It had been threatening rain all day, very gloomy and gray outside. I didn't turn the pool pump on because of the way it looked outside but I sent the dogs out early this morning to do their business and they came in immediately. I've been playing a bit with the digital camera trying to get some good footage of Spankster for his myspace page, but I always end up putting it through the editor and taking snapshots of each frame that looks like it would be a great photo...I don't know why I do that because then I ruin the "movie" as a whole...though it's not a complete waste of time in doing that, I'm still not getting a great video of the worlds most coolest dog...hehe
Anyways, I tried to get some more footage today before the rains came, but again, as usual, all I get is great photos..
Then I was supposed to go to G'mas house tonight to have dinner with her and TLOML and his daughter were supposed to go to a concert..Buck Cherry or something like that..so, around 1700 we're all getting ready to leave to do what we gotta do and I put the hounds away, wish them all a great night and head out to the JeeP.
I get in the JeeP and head out east and it starts to rain, its thundering outside, but it's not pouring rain at this point. I turn onto the highway and I'm in the left lane, I get about 2 miles from home and all of a sudden it clears up...
This weather is just crazy.. anyways, about 6 miles down the road I hear this LOUD crash to my left, I look over there, a thin BRIGHT light coming down out of the sky hits a powerline...next thing I see is a fire on the power line.....my heart is beating uncontrollably and just like a camera flash, the light is stuck in my eyes..
that was too close for my comfort...I've only in my 37 years of life seen lightening far off into the distance...this was just too close...
I clutch the steering wheel and start praying the Lord's prayer..just get me to g'mas house without any trouble...just about that point I start smelling something burning...now, I don't think I saw the lightening hit me...but why am I smelling this? I'm way past the point of contact, but wow, it was consuming the inside of the JeeP!
I turned off the air, rolled down the window but I could still smell it...
I just couldn't believe it!
well, I got to g'mas house and we had dinner, but that left her without bread, so I went out and got her some bread, ice cream and chocolate syrup for the ice cream...
we had a nice time, my gut is full and I'm pretty content now..
I'm just really glad that I wasn't the one hit by the lightening, I don't think I'll ever forget that vision in all my life!
I definately won't forget the sound either...
have a great night!
kT
Friday, July 27, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Don't read this, it's depressing! :)
Just how much can one person take? I guess its pretty much individualized!
After my little teary eyed weepy session last week, I really just thought that the "backstabbers" would have a field day calling me a "cry baby". I thought wrong, they really went too far this time....I have some good friends where I work, I don't generally socialize with co-workers but on occasion I might. There are some people at work that "have my back" and come to me yesterday stating that since I had my "nervous breakdown" last week, they're surprised I'm back at work...I said, "What nervous breakdown?"....well you all know how rumor mills work...but the situation was that I was piled on and piled on until I just couldn't take it...I'm the charge therapist working with a great therapist who hasn't been trained properly in admitting patients and that particular day we had 3 admissions. I was only informed of 2 and the 3rd was a complete surprise. I learned of the "surprise" admission at 1700 hours and it was due to arrive at ...hmmmm...1700 hours! 2 patients going bad before 1000, pcc meeting at 1030, 8 patients going out to the hospital for x-rays because our x-ray machine was down, 3 of those 8 being my patients, 2 of those being my patients on vents...plus I still have my 6 patients to care for in the meantime 2 of which are weans!
I'm the only therapist out of 2 on for that day that can do admissions, admission assessments, putting in orders, trach care, care plans, sending sputum samples, abg's, and filling out paperwork on each new admit! I also had to do the scheduling for the next shift, run abg controls and set up all the rooms for the admits and be present when they arrive to put them on vents/trach collars...
My other therapist was having some personal issues so he started out the day, worked until about 1300, was replaced by a great therapist who also hasn't really been officially trained in admissions and she could only stay until 1800 until the evening therapist could come in 1 hr early to replace her!
hmmm, I never thought of having a "NERVOUS BREAKDOWN"...but I should have...
standing in my office (out of the general public) calling my other night shift therapist to beg him to come in early so I could catch up, I began to become "teary" eyed while begging in LOW tones that I couldn't handle all of this!
I am 3 years out of respiratory school at the end of July 2007! I worked 10 years accounts payables before entering respiratory school! When things started "changing" at work, cutbacks and all, very good therapists began to leave...or go to night shift...I was completely not ready to be thrown into charge therapist at that point! I was never trained for the lead position but there wasn't anyone left to take it and the ones that were there put it in writing that they wanted to refuse the position...
Please kill me now!! I'm confident in the things I know, I'm still learning, I just passed my RRT in June of this year....I'm not ready for this...nor do I want it!
I just want to be an indian, I don't want to be a chief!
Drastic cut backs, performing respiratory duties from back in the ice ages, can't get what you need because it costs money, figure out another way!!!
Do what you can with what you have and be glad you have a job!
The first 2 years, I rarely complained, and if I did, I waited for the most part to come home and complain to the LOML...
The last 6 months however, I'm gettin a little edgy!
"nervous breakdown" ha ha ha...that's a good one!
I love my patients, I love my fellow therapists, I love most of my nursing staff and I love 90% of my cna's...but administration....they can take a friggin leap!
Do I like torcher? This facility will be the absolute death of me if I don't figure out a way to deal with this crap every day without getting teary eyed!
Good news is, I didn't lose control yesterday or today...but I feel it coming...
I'm ashamed and embarrased about losing control, I'm especially embarrased that it turned into something much more than that outside the privacy of my own office!
I laughed and smiled everyday without fail for my first 2 years there...
but I can't do it anymore...
Lord, Please help me find the strength to continue on in this place...
I just can't help but remember "if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem" and "how can you be a part of something you just don't believe in?"
I applied at this facility looking for ventilator experience so that I wouldn't lose what I had learned in school
this facility hired me on knowing full well that I was "green" to respiratory
they brought me patients in which to care for, they taught me very well how to care for them, respect them and their families, comfort them and their families, listen to them and their families and do all that I can do for the patients and their families...
now, I'm supposed to trash all that, become desensitized and work as though its just a job and my patients are just $$$$...
Had I been taught that in the beginning, I wouldn't be struggling so much now...
strike that last statement, I probably would have sought employment elsewhere...
Cause no where in Egan's Bible for Respiratory Care did I read that patients were just $$$$....
I must have missed that memo, and I didn't fail any quizzes or tests in resp school...
so..
I feel hopelessly defeated!!
life is so rough!
I don't know, maybe I just need food and sleep!
tomorrow is a new day and I'm off for 24 hrs..
good night all!
kT
After my little teary eyed weepy session last week, I really just thought that the "backstabbers" would have a field day calling me a "cry baby". I thought wrong, they really went too far this time....I have some good friends where I work, I don't generally socialize with co-workers but on occasion I might. There are some people at work that "have my back" and come to me yesterday stating that since I had my "nervous breakdown" last week, they're surprised I'm back at work...I said, "What nervous breakdown?"....well you all know how rumor mills work...but the situation was that I was piled on and piled on until I just couldn't take it...I'm the charge therapist working with a great therapist who hasn't been trained properly in admitting patients and that particular day we had 3 admissions. I was only informed of 2 and the 3rd was a complete surprise. I learned of the "surprise" admission at 1700 hours and it was due to arrive at ...hmmmm...1700 hours! 2 patients going bad before 1000, pcc meeting at 1030, 8 patients going out to the hospital for x-rays because our x-ray machine was down, 3 of those 8 being my patients, 2 of those being my patients on vents...plus I still have my 6 patients to care for in the meantime 2 of which are weans!
I'm the only therapist out of 2 on for that day that can do admissions, admission assessments, putting in orders, trach care, care plans, sending sputum samples, abg's, and filling out paperwork on each new admit! I also had to do the scheduling for the next shift, run abg controls and set up all the rooms for the admits and be present when they arrive to put them on vents/trach collars...
My other therapist was having some personal issues so he started out the day, worked until about 1300, was replaced by a great therapist who also hasn't really been officially trained in admissions and she could only stay until 1800 until the evening therapist could come in 1 hr early to replace her!
hmmm, I never thought of having a "NERVOUS BREAKDOWN"...but I should have...
standing in my office (out of the general public) calling my other night shift therapist to beg him to come in early so I could catch up, I began to become "teary" eyed while begging in LOW tones that I couldn't handle all of this!
I am 3 years out of respiratory school at the end of July 2007! I worked 10 years accounts payables before entering respiratory school! When things started "changing" at work, cutbacks and all, very good therapists began to leave...or go to night shift...I was completely not ready to be thrown into charge therapist at that point! I was never trained for the lead position but there wasn't anyone left to take it and the ones that were there put it in writing that they wanted to refuse the position...
Please kill me now!! I'm confident in the things I know, I'm still learning, I just passed my RRT in June of this year....I'm not ready for this...nor do I want it!
I just want to be an indian, I don't want to be a chief!
Drastic cut backs, performing respiratory duties from back in the ice ages, can't get what you need because it costs money, figure out another way!!!
Do what you can with what you have and be glad you have a job!
The first 2 years, I rarely complained, and if I did, I waited for the most part to come home and complain to the LOML...
The last 6 months however, I'm gettin a little edgy!
"nervous breakdown" ha ha ha...that's a good one!
I love my patients, I love my fellow therapists, I love most of my nursing staff and I love 90% of my cna's...but administration....they can take a friggin leap!
Do I like torcher? This facility will be the absolute death of me if I don't figure out a way to deal with this crap every day without getting teary eyed!
Good news is, I didn't lose control yesterday or today...but I feel it coming...
I'm ashamed and embarrased about losing control, I'm especially embarrased that it turned into something much more than that outside the privacy of my own office!
I laughed and smiled everyday without fail for my first 2 years there...
but I can't do it anymore...
Lord, Please help me find the strength to continue on in this place...
I just can't help but remember "if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem" and "how can you be a part of something you just don't believe in?"
I applied at this facility looking for ventilator experience so that I wouldn't lose what I had learned in school
this facility hired me on knowing full well that I was "green" to respiratory
they brought me patients in which to care for, they taught me very well how to care for them, respect them and their families, comfort them and their families, listen to them and their families and do all that I can do for the patients and their families...
now, I'm supposed to trash all that, become desensitized and work as though its just a job and my patients are just $$$$...
Had I been taught that in the beginning, I wouldn't be struggling so much now...
strike that last statement, I probably would have sought employment elsewhere...
Cause no where in Egan's Bible for Respiratory Care did I read that patients were just $$$$....
I must have missed that memo, and I didn't fail any quizzes or tests in resp school...
so..
I feel hopelessly defeated!!
life is so rough!
I don't know, maybe I just need food and sleep!
tomorrow is a new day and I'm off for 24 hrs..
good night all!
kT
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