Well, my birthday is officially over and I'm sad about that....
I wish it could have been just a little longer!!
Its my only time to really celebrate and reflect on my life!
I've been alone on birthdays before and those times were sad, but today, I had the love of my life, his daughter, my 2 dogs and my rabbit here with me...
My girls called, all but one, my brothers called and my parents called me to wish me happy times. My father called from Denver, he's supposed to be back home in about 4 hours from now, Mom and Grandma called from Tx, older bro e-mailed from Tx, younger bro called from Washington and my girls are all here in town...
My 30th birthday was very hard to swallow....I didn't have anyone to celebrate with, so I drank a few beers and went to bed...now that I'm coming up on 40 in a couple years, I feel that that milestone birthday won't be so tragic!
I'm actually looking forward to it! I feel like I finally know what I want to do when I grow up and I feel like I've already achieved so much! So, the future doesn't appear so dim...
I am however not looking forward to some of the events that are to transpire over the next 10 years...my mom was born when my grandmother was 45 years old, so that makes my aunts and uncles all over the age of 76...
With my father now having cancer, that also doesn't look so good...
You know that saying, people are in your life for a moment, season or for life?
I like the people that come in and go out quickly because I don't get attached, it doesn't hurt so badly when they leave, but the people that come in for a season, sometimes they tend to teach you a little something before they make their exit and the one's that are there for life are usually only there until their lives are over...and sometimes that happens rather quickly...
My mother's mother I adored...she taught me so much, she had a big hand in raising me and she always made me laugh....she exited my life when I needed her the most, I was 23 years old and I felt sometimes like I got jipped....
My cousins, who were older, got way more time with her than I and I hardly thought that was fair....
It crushed me when she died, and it still hurts..I can remember her calling my name and some of the things she would say...
hmmm, I better change the subject, I'm getting teary eyed thinking about her...
sorry...
anyways...
People change so much in their life time, I can't be carefree anymore, I can't party all night and I feel so old in the mornings when I crawl out of bed and my ankles just don't want to move like they once did...I feel so out of shape....
My hair is gray, my skin is 38 years old and wrinkles are starting to appear and my feet hurt so badly after 12.5 hrs at work...and they're literally crying after 3 days in a row of working....I have no close friends anymore because I wouldn't be able to keep in touch even if I had them
But, through it all, I have my soulmate, a comfy old home, my cute little jeep wrangler and a paycheck for as long as I can keep working...
I wouldn't trade any of it for being 19 again, that's for sure...
Some things I miss, some things I don't and here's to accepting change...whatever changes are to come!!!
Cheers....
kT
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