I'm back to the countdown of hours left off work!!
it's 10:30 pm here so that means officially, I clock in in 8.5 hours...bummer!
I worked an 8 hr shift today at my PRN job, and like today, it's a vacation to me.
No alarms going off every 3 seconds, when you finish your rounds, you're done til something happens ie: ER calls, or next rounds come about...it's so cake!
So needless to say, the anxiety starts to set in right about now!
I went to school to do something that I love to do..don't get me wrong, I do love what I'm doing, I just don't care for administration and how they handle their end of things...its like you're cruisin along and then you hit an administrative speed bump...they don't ask you what you're doing, if you're busy, if you're standing around picking your a**..they don't care what you're doing or what your schedule is for the day, they always find some way to throw a wrench into your best laid plans...it's not fair!
I wish I could reciprocate sometimes...believe me when I say I tried it once, it backfired on me! Blew up right in my face, literally...dragged behind closed doors so that the higher up could jump all down my back side...all because of what?? because we were short handed and I happened to inform a family member that if she didn't like that the patient was being "neglected" kinda...she should take it up with administration..cause they're the ones that won't let me call someone else in to assist when someone calls off leaving 2 therapists on the floor to handle 13 patients a piece... WTF...okay, now that I know that was oh so wrong, will someone please tell me what to say next time, because administration believes that I should basically play it off that I'm incompetent and that my beloved patient wasn't weaning that day because hmmm, well, I guess because I don't give a rats a**...somewhere I believe I heard the word schmooze in there..???
again I ask, when in the bleep did healthcare become a business?? cause I didn't get that memo...my patient's aren't some damn expense report!! they're my patients, my patients that I'm responsible for, that I and MY state License are responsible for...and again I ask, if I can't give my patients my best when I'm at my worst, wtf am I supposed to do??
I know that all my fellow therapists are top notch, but sometimes I truly believe that no one can care for my patients the way I do!
my favorite physician goes around telling my patient's families that when I lay my hands upon my patients, I heal them...that's not entirely true, however, I do take very good care of my patients and by noon, 95% of them have clear breath sounds...
because I care! I don't over suction, but I know who to pay special attention to and I know which patients need a bit of lasix...
so my favorite physician and I work very well together to get the patients the very best!
I love my patients and I love what I do...do I love my job? hmmm, let me think on that one...
I wish my hands had such healing powers as fave physician states, but I can't own up to that...
if I could do what I want without administration ruining my day, my patients would all wean off the ventilator some how...
I say that I always take my patients home, either to their mortal home here on earth, or their afterlife home wherever that is for them...but I get them where they need to be when I'm on the job!
it breaks my heart that my skills are being limited..
I had a fellow RT student back in school say that she just wanted to be "competent", well girl, I want to be more than that, I pray everyday that the Lord help me to be the best I can be for me, my patients, their families and for my fellow workers..
I want to be better than competent! I want to be the best in my field...my dreams of becoming a D.O. are still alive and burning inside of me..but until I can pass my MCATs, I'm going to be the best RRT I can be...I owe everyone that much!
thanks for listening...
Good Night & God Bless
p.s. Sorry for the foul language..