Saturday, September 29, 2007

When you want something that you know you can't have!

I spent some time with the cutest little man today! My grandson is almost 2 years old and he's so cute! I spent a little time with him Thursday night and he was so wound up, he has so much energy and he runs around kicking and hitting with his little arms and legs and you try to tell him no, but then he looks at you with those big brown eyes and smiles at you and you can't get mad at him! He couldn't hurt you really if he tried, but you have to tell him no on some things. Today, he wasn't as energetic though, he just wanted to play with the basketball and the little rubber ball, but the family from Indiana had just arrived and were having a conversation with my parents and my grandmother, so to avoid all the loud noise from the little guy, we took a walk down the street that I grew up on. When I arrived though, my mother was trying to get him to take a nap but he wasn't going for it, so when I took him for a walk, he takes about 3 steps to my 1 step so I knew I had a chance of "wearing him out" on this walk. Every house we passed by had little kid's bikes in the yard and he kept trying to walk into the yards while saying "bike". I had to keep re-directing him toward the circle or "turn around" as we called it when I was a kid. So we walked up the street and back down the street and when we arrived back at Grandma's, we sat down and he wanted to get off my lap. He went over to the swing and grabbed his blanket, brought it back to me, then went back for his pillow and his sippy cup of milk. He climbed up on my lap and he layed down and finally fell asleep. He was a sight! I think he is just a cute little guy and I would love to spoil him rotten except for me and his momma don't get along very well.

I think my oldest daughter is a selfish little 21 year old brat who will stop at nothing to get what she wants not ever realizing that she hurts people in the process! When she was born, people used to tell me all the time that she was my "clone". Though she resembles me very much, her spirit and her will belong to that of her crazy psychotic sperm-donor father and I absolutely can't stand that about her!

I love my kids, but some times they try my patience so greatly that I just want to smack them...really hard! My oldest daughter is a compulsive liar and a selfish, manipulative, willfully obstinate CHILD! And on top of all of that, she's raising the cutest little guy, but who knows how he will turn out in a couple of years...
that scares me to no end! I'm afraid to get close to him because I'm afraid that in his mother's most psychotic episode, she would take him away from me and I would never see him again.

But, the thing is, I really want to get close to him. I never raised a boy and not that I want to raise him, I just want to love him. I wish my daughter would just grow up already and realize that not everyone wants to bring her harm and that she doesn't have to lie to people.. I don't like liars! She's never been a good judge of character and she will only befriend the truly nightmarish people that make the worst choices for themselves. She has no goals in life, she gripes because she doesn't have anything and that she can't get a good job, yet she has no education and has no intention of getting one.

I may have lived my whole life with ADD and I may have made rash, impulsive and pathetic choices for my own life, but at least I had goals for myself. It took a couple of failed marriages and 4 screaming girls to wake my pitiful a&& up and put me on the right track. I hope that she figures things out before she gets comfy in a life that closely resembles the life I have fought hard to get rid of.

I pray for my kids nightly and I pray that they try to make good choices in life. I don't see it coming too quickly for the oldest one though!

The life I wanted for my kids is the very life they keep saying they don't want!
But if they're truly my children, they will wake up in 10 years and reqret the choices they have made for themselves and they will realize that it may be too late to get all the things they should have strived for 10 years earlier!

shoulda, coulda, wouldas........

I hate those!

the one thing I had hoped I could do for my kids was save them from a life like I have lived, and they fight me every step of the way, they don't want my help and they seem to think they can do it on their own...

I'm living proof kids should not try things on their own without consulting the experts first.......

I'm the "poster child" for "Oh my Gosh, don't do that!"

But, I sure would like to get to know that little guy better before his momma potentially ruins his cute little life!


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