The things I hate about A.D.D.

From the time I was little, I couldn't ever focus on one thing...I was very easily distracted and I could never remember things that I needed to remember and had no problems remembering things I had no business remembering...or things that didn't matter, I had no problems remembering those things...

I dealt with it as best I could, and in school, I would literally have to study for tests weeks in advance...just to get a passing grade...

I remember taking tests and getting grades back thinking...man...I knew that answer...how did I get that one wrong...?? stupid mistakes...but, I wasn't concentrating mostly...

I went to take my GED test at FPCC in St. Louis...I fell asleep during the history portion, woke up in time to answer all the questions without reading the paragraphs...I don't know how I passed that test...but I did...

Going through Respiratory school, sucked for me...TLOML would help me study and he would ask me questions repeatedly wondering how I couldn't remember questions he'd just ask me....I think I frustrated him more than I frustrated myself...by the end of school, on the last day, stars were handed out to the students of all the nicknames that were given to the students by the instructors...my star had "Spacey" on it...I can take a joke, it was funny...but more so...it was so true..whatever I had studied would go directly to the brain, down the arm, out the pen, onto the paper and voila....gone forever!!

I got through it somehow...without medication...I had never taken medication until after I was already working in respiratory...

The toughest part about my job at that time was giving report to the other therapists...I couldn't remember anything about the patients I had treated all night...

I couldn't sleep any more than 4 hours a day...I wasn't used to working nights..

I went to my MD and told him that I couldn't remember anything and that I was getting frustrated because I am sure I looked like a complete moron to my co-workers and supervisors...

You know what his diagnosis was?? he said, "you're just depressed!"....
I'm the least depressed person I know...but if I can't remember stuff, I'm going to go psycho!!..he prescribed me 3 different meds for depression...none of them worked...over 7 months...I finally left him and sought out another physician...

I feel like the little kid in the cartoon the family circus...when they do the boy running through the house with the - - - - - - all over...that's me!!

it takes me days to clean my living room...it takes me a day to do 3 loads of laundry...

anyways...when I met with the new physician, I told her that I thought I had ADD...she asked, what makes you think that? I told her that I was having problems remembering things, I couldn't shut my mind off at night, I can't finish anything and I can't have general conversations with people because I end up not listening to anything they say....all of which I had to write down on a piece of paper to remember to tell her when she asked what I thought was going on...

as she probed more, she realized that it didn't take much for me to go from topic to topic and how I couldn't stay focused on the questions asked...one thing always leads to another...

I get bored with stuff quick...I'm painting my bedroom in my new house and about half way through, I was ready to quit...lucky for me I had TLOML to keep me going...
and finish the job...

anyways...she asked me about my past relationships...I've had many...lets see...1.2.3.4.5.....
the kids dad and I lasted 9 years off and on....

I can't count how many jobs I've had....and I don't want to...

so...just going on with all that, she decided to write me a script for the first med I took..I lasted about 5 months on that, it was great too!! I read the first book for pleasure...(not a textbook) at age 37...and I finished the whole book...I could remember almost everything....phone numbers, football games, players names....wow...jokes...I could remember jokes....it was great...but then the drug caused problems in other areas...so we switched meds....then, I've been happily on that drug for over a year..not at full strength either...vast improvement...

now, another problem...when I took this new position at a different hospital, I had to switch all my physicians and I had to get referrals to specialists...

this physician doesn't want to give me the med I've been taking for over a year...and...she doesn't want to give me a referral for an allergy specialist...

I've been allergic to EVERYTHING since I was 15....I need these long acting steroid shots..I've been getting them 4 times a year for ....ALL MY ADULT LIFE....

and now, I've been without a shot for 3 months, no ADD meds for 1 month and I'm PISSED OFF...I can't breathe, I'm wheezing and I can barely focus...at home and at work....

I can't switch physicians again until tomorrow and I can't do it tomorrow because its a holiday.....


if it weren't for the love of my life....I wouldn't be able to do anything right now...

most of you would be calling him a nag...but I need him to nag me about stuff because if he doesn't do it, I won't get anything done around here....

thank goodness I haven't had to work much this last month....and yesterday I was training someone so I had her to keep me in check...but she's used to me because I worked with her at the other facility and she worked with me both on and off my medication...so before we even started the day yesterday I had to remind her of what it was like working with me in the beginning and then let her know that it would be like that again yesterday...thank goodness she was there...

but she won't be there tomorrow, so I'm a bit worried...but don't worry about that, because like the great ADD'er that I am, I'll forget all about it soon and tomorrow, I'll be distracted by time, leave late for work, forget something like my stethoscope and I'll be finishing all my work up until about 7:15 when clock out time is 7:00 pm.....


how happy for me...yay!!!

anyways, my dryer has stopped for the 2nd time, it's time to go get my clothes out and take a shower...that I should have done an hour ago...

Happy New Year everyone....

Hope that 2008 brings happiness and joy to everyone and God Bless you all!!!

kT