Sunday, December 14, 2008


Its cold outside, and the wind is blowing strong. The weather forecasters are calling for freezing rain tonight. Last week was rough. It was finals week at Jefferson College and as most people know, going to school and working a full-time job with all the responsibilities of kids, animals and owning a home take away from dedication to an education. I made an A, possibly 2 B's, and I know I made a C in Biology. I have to retake Biology now, but I'm going to take it over the summer so I can dedicate myself to just that class. I can't get into med school with a C in Biology, and I'm going to find a different instructor, one that can actually teach according to my learning style. I'm not a C student so this grade not only hurt my GPA, it hurt my pride. I'm way smarter than what my grade reflects and I know this.

That feeling of confidence I have every time I save a patient or when I manipulate the ventilator according to a patient's blood gas and I know I've done the right thing because its what I do...When I sat in this biology class the first night, I was that confident I would ace this class, but something went terribly wrong. I don't know if it was the instructor, or knowing that I was amongst people I wasn't comfortable being around...I don't know, but when it came time for the first test, I tripped.. I was extremely anxious, I knew I knew the material, but for whatever reason, I couldn't even finish the test.

Being A.D.D. I know I read slowly, I have to to comprehend what I read, and he said we had an hour for the test and I couldn't calm down, and I did the worst I've ever done...

well, it only got a little better from there, but not much and I bombed it. I'm so ashamed...

The worst thing an A-B student can do is make a C...
Its a horrible feeling...

But, its not like I've had the best year, so I'm calling it a wash and I'm not going to let it get to me.

After Dad died, I had to come home, jump back into work and enroll in school, I barely had time to think about anything...

So, I'll climb back up on that horse and we'll ride off into the sunset and I will prevail!

I will do this and I will do this if it takes every last breath from me!

I am going to close this year knowing that I've done the best I could do. I'm going to know that I was there for my grandmother this year and I was there for my father this year and that I did everything I could to see to it that dad left the world as comfortably as he could. I'll miss him terribly and I remember him fondly and on New Year's Eve, I'll make a toast to my dad and thank him for all the wonderful memories I have of him and I'll put 2008 to rest.

Dad, 2009 is coming up, and we will have a new President, he's the President you would have voted for. Mom of course voted republican and you weren't there to cancel her vote so I did it for you. As much as you love history, I wish you could have been here, this year was a great year for the history books. Mom's doing good, but she's buying more furniture...don't worry, she's not remodeling or anything major, she's just buying a recliner. K & E visited her for Thanksgiving and she had a good time with M & I. The girls are doing ok, Amber was in a car accident and she injured her spine, the insurer of the driver that hit her is all but refusing to pay, so I think she's getting an attorney, Mandy's doing well in college, I think her GPA will be better than mine though, you know how that is, after all, I think I remember yours being lower than N's. That's okay, though, we all know you were brilliant. Aly is graduating from high school in the spring and Bo is doing good in school too.

We miss you

P.S. They have Cardinals Christmas merchandise galore out here!! Wish I could buy some for ya...


1 comment:

  1. Congrats on your finals!

    I know first-hand that it is hard working full time and going to school, and I'm thankful that I don't have to work full time in RT school...but I'm not too far away from it.