Saturday, April 4, 2009

Marriage is a funny funny thing!

Today, my oldest brother and his wife are married 11 years. Congrats to you both and many happy more years together.
Now, last October, my younger brother and his wife were married 11 years! I say congrats to them too!
I love my family so much and I'm very happy for all their successes in life, but I'm truly happy that they are having very successful marriages. I haven't been so successful in that department. In fact, I've had two failed marriages. One, I attribute to both of us, basically because one did wrong, so the other one thought that they could do wrong and it would be justified. But, we all know, that's not how it goes.
In a failed marriage, both parties are at fault in some way or another. I guess that's why this time around I am guilty for even dragging my heals on the actual getting married part! I love my guy! I love him in ways I never ever loved another and I think its because we were friends before anything else. We were both just out of horrible relationships and we feared doing the dating scene again. I absolutely hate and detest dating a new guy! I just want to be with someone that I'm comfortable around! And when you meet a new "love interest", you can not be casual, for whatever reason, and I'm not sure who wrote the book on that, but its always as though you're up tight and stiff when you should be comfortable and relaxed. Dating is different when you're a mom already and you have kids to think about. Its the same if you're a dad and you have kids, are the kids going to like who you're dating? What if you date for a while, the kids like the person and then you find an incompatible thing between you and you break it off? What then?

But my brothers did it right, they married and a few years later, they had kids. They took it slow. I never did that. I wasn't that smart I guess, but now, I know what love is and I know what love isn't.

I don't like drama, I don't like to fight, I like peace and harmony in my home and will go to great lengths to try to keep the peace between all. Whatever it takes, I'll do it. And its worth it to me to see to it that everyone in my house is at peace.

One day, I'll get married again, and one day, it will be forever, but I'm not going to rush into anything when forever is at stake!

When its said that love is not jealous, its not jealous. I believe that.

When it says that love is kind, it is kind. I believe that.

When its said that love is forever, its forever. Now this word "Love", its thrown around so carelessly today. You can love anyone, but when you're choosing a life long partner, and you're going to sign a contract of marriage, if you can't see yourself with that person when you're both 90 years old, DON'T TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM, AND DON'T SIGN A MARRIAGE CONTRACT!

When you do sign on for a commitment like that, you better know that you're going to have to work everyday of your life to keep that marriage growing and alive!

Its up to both parties to keep it alive, its a heavy load that one can't carry on his/her own.

Don't ever let your marriage become a burden and don't let it become someone else's business!

There are 5 signatures on a marriage license in most states. The partners for life, 2 witnesses and the officiant.

So, if you're conversing with an outside party about your marital problems if you have any, if they didn't sign your marriage license, they're not privileged to know your business. I mean this. This is where so many relationships fail, by letting outsiders in where they don't belong.

If you want relationship advice, find someone who's been in a successful relationship for a long time like 10 - 50+ years...Don't go to someone who's had horrible relationships in the past and none of them being longer than 2 - 3 years...They'll tell you all the wrong careful when seeking advice when it comes to the rest of your life!

There's so much to say, but I have to work in the morning, so I'm going to cut it short, but keep these things in mind because marriage is serious business.

When I have time, I'll follow up on this
feel free to comment but only if you have good advice to share!


1 comment:

  1. So true about asking advice from someone who is in a happy relationship!

    A lot of people are willing to listen to friends who, themselves, are miserable.